Aznoxide's Xanga

Saturday, September 03, 2005

Sat, 03 Sep 2005 09:37:25 GMT

I moved to another country... so I decided to start another blog as well.

http://ingwu.com/blogs/adam.php

Not for another year Xanga!

Saturday, September 03, 2005

Sat, 03 Sep 2005 09:36:34 GMT

I moved to another country... so I decided to start another blog as well.

http://ingwu.com/blogs/adam.php

Not for another year Xanga!

Thursday, September 01, 2005

Thu, 01 Sep 2005 12:26:26 GMT

Iâ€™m in China!

Getting here was by far the easy partâ€¦

Learning a new languageâ€¦

A new societyâ€¦

1.4 Billion people, and Iâ€™ve never felt more aloneâ€¦

Oh yea. The internet is REALLY slow here too.

Friday, August 26, 2005

Fri, 26 Aug 2005 01:45:12 GMT

5 Days left:

Too little time to be left wasted. I'm pretty sure I'm not ready, but I've never met someone whos truly been ready to drop everything they have known for greater knowledge.

No time left to prepare, only to pack. See everone one last time.

5 days are so long, yet so short...

China here I come!

Friday, August 12, 2005

Fri, 12 Aug 2005 19:20:40 GMT

Shit... slept another day in...

Seems like no matter what time I sleep at I'll wake up around 4:00PM. This is the earliest I can wake for some reason. My internal clock has just set itself to that. I really wish I could wake up at 12... or even better 10...

Damn I'm wasting a lot of time...

Monday, August 01, 2005

Mon, 01 Aug 2005 09:12:39 GMT

Yup. Pinpointed the problem. Motviation.
(Forgive my lack of prose and/or spelling/grammar/lack of flow)
(Why the hell am I seeking forgiveness... its freakin xanga...)

Many people just do what is required of them. Its what they are motivated to do. Me on the other hand, am not like most people. My motivation is apparently to not dissappoint myself. Now this may seem like good motvation except:

A) My standards aren't very high
B) I'm pretty harsh on myself; I'm the only person who I can get mad at
C) I KNOW I can do more--> I've seen the quailty work that comes from me when I put my mind to it. It was more like a bet to see what I could do. I liked it. It was great. It made me feel good about myself. I never did it again.

Now you, just like me right now may be asking why I would never do it again. My answer is: no motivation.

That feelgood experience is such a short term feeling that it doesn't make me want work for it. It feels great when I get it, but jesus christ I am a lazy bastard.

I've also found a few things that will make me motivated:
- Money (duh)
- Chance that I may dissapoint someone (not myself, and my parents aren't very strict)
- umm.. uh. yea.. some girls..... ... ...
- Rewards work sometimes (but only definate ones, I hate the game of chance)

I can recall long ago when I started playing badminton. My dad taught me. It was fun and all, and I got to spend some quality male bonding time, but I wasn't really motivated to play. If he diddn't go, I diddn't go. HE was my motivation for that. Later on in my badminton career, I started going to pape. I remember those days, on the 2nd court... when we were all n00bs. Fun stuff. We worked hard, drilled hard, played hard. But even if we were dead tired, sweaty and gasping for breath, we still played on. The motvation there was because it was fun. Its truly a differnt experince playing with people your age. I have no clue what it is about it, its just... more fun.

Another instance which I remember motvation was in biology grade 11. Muhammed's class. Bio. An engineer's nightmare. Mostly memorization, barely any working things out. My worst class by quite a bit. Scraping by with what I would consider a bare pass (okay, my standards are higher than average standards... but average standards are so.... low....) I for some reason decided to study my ass of for a test. Starting 5 days before the test, instead of the ususal 2 hours the night before, I ended up pulling of the 2nd highest mark in the class. Almost shocked me, considering my grade ususally sat within the bottom portion. Shocked Salmaa (keke) too.

Last and most recent example I can think of is Grade 12 Chem. Sheila Wang. The curriculum leader, one of the best teachers I've ever had. Ms. Wang had one of the worst reputations I've ever heard of. First term. Sat right in front of her. Scared me shitless. That was my motivation, plain and simple. Fear. Worked pretty damn good, so I'm not complaining. But I did the stupid thing. I faced my fears. I was no longer scared of her for the rest of the year. Big mistake. Mark plummeted... bohoo for me. Doesn't help that I'm going into a mainly chemistry related field...

Horray for Material Science Engineering! Hopefully I'll make badminton raquets and superlightweight car parts one day!

Thats a big hope.
Someone please motivate me =(

Sunday, July 31, 2005

Sun, 31 Jul 2005 03:04:04 GMT

Wow. Took me 17 years and 11 months to realise this.

You are nothing special. You were truly once ahead of the pack. Now the pack is catching up again, and you have been used to jogging the pack has been sprinting full speed.

You are garbage. You have all the resources available to you and you don't use them. Ungrateful bastard.
You should remove yourself from this world and let some lesser fortunate take your place.

You don't deserve to be where you are. You are a lazy asshole. You think nothing about others. Inconsiderate. Incompetitent.

17 years of your life wasted. You have to catch up. Run ahead of the pack once again. Lead the pack, don't let anyone touch you.

17 years is a lot of catching up...

Start trying again you fucking useless piece of shit... the world won't wait for you

Edit:

You are also a horrible driver, have no sense of direction, have no natural talent in anything whatsoever (every skill I have has been taught), can't add, can't spell, are ugly, is horribly disorienteted...

If you were a dnd char your stats would look like this

STR 12
DEX 8
CON 12
INT 14
WIZ 8
CHA 14

Your personality won't carry you far if you don't push your limits...

Things to blame list:
-Anime
-Videogames
-This computer
-The choice of friends
-My parents (not really)
-Horrible sleeping patten (derived from videogames)
-Lack of motivation --> what the hell is my motivation?

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

Wed, 27 Jul 2005 06:23:51 GMT

Yu3 Mao2 Qiu2 = badminton in madarin... hopefully i'l use that a few times

Anyone wanna correct me here?
Tones:
1= high
2 = falling
3 = falling-rising
4=rising ?

Sunday, July 24, 2005

Sun, 24 Jul 2005 08:34:09 GMT

Really Long Survey (over 200)
Created by starsbleed2nite and taken 109820 times on bzoink!
What is your name?	They are watching me...
Are you named after anyone?	Uhh... great grandfather
What's your screename?	Aznoxide/WuGen
Would you name a child of yours after you?	not my child... too confusing
If you were born a member of the opposite sex what would your name be?	Jasmine or Ruby or Asure
If you could switch names with a friend who would it be?	what a stupid question
Are there any mispronounciations/typos that ppl do w/ your name constantly?	again another stupid question
Would you drop your last name if you became famous?	no. maybe use Wu... probably just write it in chiense instead
Basics
Your gender:	Male
Straight/Gay/Bi:	OMFG IM STRAIGHT
Single?	yea
If not, do you want to be?	n/a
Birthdate:	aug 19,1987
Your age:	17 ... almost 18!!
Age you act:	12 =(
Age you wish you were:	a math professer b^^
Your height:	5'4 without hair 5'6 with =D
Eye color:	brown
Happy with it?	i am proud of my body
Hair color:	black
Happy with it?	dude...
Lefty/righty/ambidextrous:	righty trying to be ambi
Your living arrangement:	with parents
Your family:	this isnt a question...
Have any pets?	no
Whats your job?	service repairman... the types in pornos
Piercings?	i wish...
Tattoos?	i want that big WU on my shoulder...
Obsessions?	making my bed, looking in the mirror (STFU you do it too)
Addictions?	coke and juice.... funny that both of these things have multiple meansings
Do you speak another language?	english french v.little jap & in 1 year mandarin!
Have a favorite quote?	A good metaphor can make any bad idea sound good. works pretty good
Do you have a webpage?	oh man... a lot of failed attempts (failed in my standards)
Deep Thoughts About Life and You in it
Do you live in the moment?	i try to live in the future... most of the time i fail
Do you consider yourself tolerant of others?	EXTREEMLY... go and try to make me bad... bet you it'll take longer than 20 minutes and a few punches
Do you have any secrets?	not many
Do you hate yourself?	no, i love myself quite frequently
Do you like your handwriting?	its pretty kewl
Do you have any bad habits?	waking up late... not being attentive... ignoring other peoples emotions
What is the compliment you get from most people?	you funny?
If a movie was made about your life, what would it be called?	EROTICA: THE MAN HUNG LIKE A FUCKING ELEPHANT
What's your biggest fear?	disappointing myself
Can you sing?	uhh better than most? (but not much better)
Do you ever pretend to be someone else just to look cool?	once in awhile (SHUT UP)
Are you a loner?	when i want to be
What are your #1 priorities in life?	to learn
If you were another person, would you be friends with you?	yea i'm pretty cool... i'd fuck myself if i were a girl
Are you a daredevil?	daredevil or stupid?
Is there anything you fear or hate about yourself?	i'd like to be taller... i want to have better dicipline
Are you passive or agressive?	i am SOOOOOOOOOOOOO passive
Do you have a journal?	nope... does xanga count?
What is your greatest strength and weakness?	strength: face it i'm a jack of all trades... weakness: i tend to get hurt easily by others and try to take tasks on completely by myself
If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?	probably my height
Do you think you are emotionally strong?	how about emotionally numb?
Is there anything you regret doing/not doing in life?	the following lessons i foolishly quit: piano, swimming, wushu
Do you think life has been good so far?	its been damn good too me.. im starting to feel guilty
What is the most important lesson you've learned from life?	ignore what others think. it only matters that you think, although people's opinions are also important. also: most of your emotions are pretty damn useless
What do you like the most about your body?	my 14 inch penis =)
And least?	my 14 inch penis >=( ... you try fitting it into pants
Do you think you are good looking?	somewhat yea
Are you confident?	again, somewhat yea
What is the fictional character you are most like?	hatake kakashi
Are you perceived wrongly?	hmmm... most people think i'm quiet when they first meet me... big mistake
Do You...
Smoke?	no... waste of money
Do drugs?	only when its free =)
Read the newspaper?	no... i really should
Pray?	what a useless....
Go to church?	even bigger waste of time... (no offense)
Talk to strangers who IM you?	yea sure.. why not
Sleep with stuffed animals?	no.. although i have a lot
Take walks in the rain?	when im going somewhere....
Talk to people even though you hate them?	i dont ever remember hating someone...
Drive?	i try to =)
Like to drive fast?	i try to =(
Would or Have You Ever?
Liked your voice?	yes ... until i heard it recorded
Hurt yourself?	lets call it training =)
Been out of the country?	yea... a lot of times
Eaten something that made other people sick?	holy crap yea.... too many times to count
Been in love?	not sure...
Done drugs?	dude... this was already asked
Gone skinny dipping?	no... i would though
Had a medical emergency?	hmmm no..
Had surgery?	no
Ran away from home?	tried to...
Played strip poker?	yea... diddn't get very far
Gotten beaten up?	yea...
Beaten someone up?	uhhh.. i duno if it counts...
Been picked on?	yea... =(
Been on stage?	yup
Slept outdoors?	once...
Thought about suicide?	yea... thought it was a bad idea..
Pulled an all nighter?	well its 5:11AM right now...
If yes, what is your record?	44h?
Gone one day without food?	NO YOU FREAKIN CRAZY?!?!
Talked on the phone all night?	yup =)
Slept together with the opposite sex w/o actually having sex?	yea
Slept all day?	yea
Killed someone?	im gonna leave this part blank...
Made out with a stranger?	dude. no
Had sex with a stranger?	dude. yes =D (loljk)
Thought you're going crazy?	how about thinking you ARE crazy?
Kissed the same sex?	on the cheek...
Done anything sexual with the same sex?	in jest (as in a joke. not INJEST)
Been betrayed?	dont think so...
Had a dream that came true?	uh...
Broken the law?	tons of times... LITTERING XD
Met a famous person?	depends on how famous you mean
Have you ever killed an animal by accident?	i don tthink so
On purpose?	yea?
Told a secret you swore you wouldn't tell?	kekekek NOOOOOO =)
Stolen anything?	candy is irrestisable....
Been on radio/tv?	hmm no =(
Been in a mosh-pit?	in a club? does that count?
Had a nervous breakdown?	i am so lax its not even funny
Bungee jumped?	i'd like to
Had a dream that kept coming back?	WELCOME TO THE WORLD OF DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS
Beliefs
Belive in life on other planets?	fuck yea
Miracles?	fuck no
Astrology?	fuck no
Magic?	fuck no... shit i'd be the craziest wizard ever... fucking 20d8 delayed blast fireballs bitches!
God?	fuck no
Satan?	fuck no
Santa?	fuck no
Ghosts?	fuck no
Luck?	fuck no
Love at first sight?	fuck no
Yin and yang (that good cant exist w/o bad)?	fuck no
Witches?	fuck no
Easter bunny?	fuck no
Believe its possible to remain faithful forever?	fuck no
Believe theres a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow?	fuck no
Do you wish on stars?	fuck no
Deep Theological Questions
Do you believe in the traditional view of Heaven and Hell?	no...
Do you think God has a gender?	he'd have to not... otherwize if he loved a guy and he was a guy that mean he'd be gay and jehovas dont like gay people
Do you believe in organized religion?	um... it exists?
Where do you think we go when we die?	our lives just end...
Friends
Do you have any gay/lesbian friends?	ricky is pretty gay... loljk
Who is your best friend?	krissy?anthy?ricky?ellicky?
Who's the one person that knows most about you?	krissy
What's the best advice that anyone has ever given to you?	SHUT THE FUCK UP BEFORE I SMACK YOUR BITCHASS DOWN
Your favourite inside joke?	kkekeke you said inside
Thing you're picked on most about?	my height
Who's your longest known friend?	hmmm... alice yu? we drifting though...
Newest?	vivian?
Shyest?	kevin yip
Funniest?	all pretty equal...
Sweetest?	ricky ...? i duno if it counts if oyu are a womanizer
Closest?	krissy
Weirdest?	anthony
Smartest?	krissy
Ditziest?	ellick HAHAHHAHA
Friends you miss being close to the most?	krissy/ellick/anth/ricky
Last person you talked to online?	vivian
Who do you talk to most online?	uhhh...
Who are you on the phone with most?	what a primitive way of communication...
Who do you trust most?	krissy
Who listens to your problems?	krissy
Who do you fight most with?	krissy (dude... might wanna skip the next part)
Who's the nicest?	ricky
Who's the most outgoing?	ellick
Who's the best singer?	krissy
Who's on your shit-list?	uhhhh.....
Have you ever thought of having sex with a friend?	all the time
Who's your second family?	the pplz i mentioned above... what a fucked up family...
Do you always feel understood?	hell no
Who's the loudest friend?	ellick by FAR
Do you trust others easily?	not really.. i keep my distance while making them trust me
Who's house were you last at?	anths
Name one person who's arms you feel safe in:	Bruce Lee b^^... as long as he isnt trying to kill me
Do your friends know you?	pretty good...
Friend that lives farthest away:	krissy wins once again
Love and All That
Do you consider love a mistake?	love is never a mistake... lust is
What do you find romantic?	common intrests... just clicking...
Turn-on?	asian
Turn-off?	everything else. obese chicks too... fats okay...dont want too much meat though
First kiss?	awwwwwww =)
If someone u had no interest in had interest in dating u how would u feel?	very very very awkward.. i'll be their friend.. but nothign more
Do you prefer knowing someone before dating them or going	definatley.. especially before i spend money =)
Have u ever wished it was more socially acceptable 4 a girl 2 ask a guy out	HOLY CRAP YEA... actually it wouldnt make much of a difference cuz noone wants to ask me out anyway =(
Have you ever been romantically attracted to someone physically unattractiv	yup =)
Do you think the opposite sex finds you good looking?	no... i look like a freaking hairless dwarf from LOTR
What is best about the opposite sex?	their cuteness =)
What is the worst thing about the opposite sex?	their bitcheness/nagginess/clingyness also insecuirty of their body
What's the last present someone gave you?	rice cake snacks?
Are you in love?	no
Do you consider your significant other hot?	i dont have one....
Who Was the Last Person...
That haunted you?	what?
You wanted to kill?	the intire female population
That you laughed at?	ricky
That laughed at you?	i duno... manypeople do
That turned you on?	.......
You went shopping with?	holy crap itsbeenawhile...
That broke your heart?	oh man.. dont wanna say.. she diddnt even know she did
To disappoint you?	myself
To ask you out?	noone has ever done so
To make you cry?	men dont cry. they run their engines in their garage
To brighten up your day?	po!
That you thought about?	myself
You saw a movie with?	po!
You talked to on the phone?	ellick
You talked to through IM/ICQ?	vivan
You saw?	eric bro?
You lost?	what?
Right This Moment...
Are you going out?	no
Will it be with your significant other?	no
Or some random person?	no
What are you wearing right now?	underwear -.-
Body part you're touching right now:	i now condider the keyboard part of my body
What are you worried about right now?	waking up tmrw...
What book are you reading?	red china blues
What's on your mousepad?	i don t haveone....
Use 5 words to describe how you're feeling:	tired hungry thoughtful (stuck at thinking of words)
Are you bored?	kinda
Are you tired?	kinda
Are you talking to anyone online?	kinda
Are you talking to anyone on the phone?	no
Are you lonely or content?	lonley.. but content at that
Are you listening to music?	no
Create a Survey \| Search Surveys \| Go to bzoink!

Monday, July 18, 2005

Mon, 18 Jul 2005 08:03:10 GMT

i am posessive. its good to admit things to yourself, its better to not deny it otherwize it'll just get worse. why am i posessive? i duno. i dont get mad either, just annoyed. its almost as if it is impossible to make me mad. i guess i'm just a bit too logical, a bit too rational. whats the point of yelling at someone because they ALMOST hit you? they diddn't actually hit you. also whats the point of yelling at them if you DID hit them? its not like yelling at them will take away the pain, it will most likeley just agrrivate them more and cause more pain.

moping is a useless action. its over, get on with your life, moping will most likeley make it worse.

complaining has its uses up to a certian point. on one hand it can be a useful way of telling of something is wrong. but once you know that something is wrong, there is no point of contiuously telling them its wrong. its even worse when someone complains about something that is unchangable, such as weather, or lack of money, or especially lack of intelligence -.-

im complaining now, whatever. im a hippocrit. the first step is admiting it, isn't it?

edit: i'm also a bad s[peller